My mother brakes and I shoulder my bag as I slam the car door and run towards the guy with the green jacket and crooked grin. I call out his name and he turns and looks at me - I melt under the gaze of those clear blue eyes. His arms open wide and enfold me as he kisses me gently...on the cheek. (Honestly, I know you heard the dramatic music swelling and then cutting out with a "wah, wah, waaaaah" sound. My life is like a bad TV show.)
"Theo! Where the hell have you been! I haven't seen you in ages - listen, I've gotta run to class, but give me a call, maybe we can grab breakfast tomorrow."
As he runs off to class, I walk to the library, deep in thought...
Life has a funny way of bringing people together, then drifting them apart; but sometimes, it doesn't let them get close enough, either. See, before I went to my current college, I took part-time college courses during high school at another college in the area. That's where I met this guy, two years ago - basically, we sat in the same row in Gen Bio 2, and I remember seeing him for the first time and thinking "There's just something about him..." He's one of those instantly likable, approachable people, kind of like a big teddy bear (the athlete's physique and Boston accent didn't hurt, either). We started talking a few weeks into the semester, but the more I saw him, the more I got that sinking feeling I was getting stuck in the friend zone. That's when I found out he had a girlfriend. But at the same time, I was falling for him; every time I walked into a building or turned a corner, or went to grab lunch, I hoped I'd see him. If I didn't, I was disappointed, but if I did, I felt this odd combination of happiness and regret. Each smile from him when he saw me hurt as much as it satisfied, and that's how it went. What really cinched it was finals week; we had just finished one hell of a practical for lab and were studying for the lecture final the next morning. He's not a science major, so I was explaining some concept or another when he came out with
"Geez, Theo - you know this stuff better than I do, but you're...what, now?"
"Sixteen."
"This is like studying for my Bio final with my little sister."
And that was the end of any last little bit of hope I may have had. Because when you're stuck that deep in the friend zone, you never get out. Ever. The year ended, I came back to take more courses the next year and saw him every so often. We would get breakfast or lunch together some days, or just wave across the quad on our way to different classes - and then that year ended and I transferred to my current college. Now I'm on Spring Break, and I have this paper due on Monday, so I came up to the college library to research it since they're not on break yet, and who's the first person I see as my car pulls into the college? Him. Those feelings return out of nowhere, like the taste of something forbidden, yet forgotten. I had inured myself to it then, but after almost a year I had forgotten how oddly good it was - and now I have to do it all over again.
Looking back on the whole thing now, though, I just had an epiphany; what I said in my other post, about being called "like a sister"? How odd that the same words that open something in one relationship can completely close a possibility in another.
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